New amusements

I feel like this blog is going the same route as Andy's. It's hard to find things to say here, things that are worthy of public knowledge. Maybe that's just part of growing up?

Now there's something to write about. I feel like the last six months have brought more maturity than the whole year before that, or the five years before that, or the ten years before that, etc. In fact, I keep saying this, over and over and over again, talking about how "lately I've been growing up, and it's scaring me." But here's where this time it's different: It's not so frightening this time. I'm starting to feel alive inside of myself. I'm growing into my skin and my brain and my soul and I like it. I've spent the last (at least) five years of my life asking "Who am I?" and I'm reaching a point where I think I might know. I'll never pin it down forever, because I'll never stop changing, but here I am, with a better grasp on it than ever before.

I've become very aware of how lucky I am. For every event that tore me down, for every harsh word spoken for no reason other than to hurt me, for every blow I've been dealt physically and metaphorically, a gift has been given to me. I've never been taken down to the bottom. I've never been completely lost. I've been taken just to the brink, so that I could come back a thousand times better and stronger than I was before. I've suffered and hurt, but unlike others, I've survived and become something different and more wonderful because of it all. This is who I am, you know. This is what I've discovered recently.

I have my parents now, two people who were taken from me often as a child by circumstance and the malevolence of others. I have true friends now, the kind you make and don't forget. I have animals that help me remember that I'm not the center of my own universe. I have a life partner who understands me like no one else, and yet doesn't just enough to keep our lives exciting.

So yes, I'm... Growing up. I know who I am, I know how lucky I am, I know where my life is and where it's going. Does that mean I won't blog anymore? I guess that's the only thing I don't know.